FORGIVE & FORGET ?

A reply to Paulo Coelho


I came across a question the writer Paulo Coelho placedon his Youtube channel. He asks for people's opinion on: Forgiving and Forgetting
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwVBh5pBSzE

It was a cool challenge for me to 'practice' common sense in replying to the questions he placed:

(Paulo Coelho's questions in italics)

"I would like to hear your opinion on forgiving and forgetting.
When people hurt you: do you forgive and forget? Or do you just forgive but don’t forget?"

I found that when you Really Actually Forgive – you ‘Forget’ – which means you Let Go, because you are no-longer holding-on to something from the past. You have cleared yourself, you stand, you move-on.



"People who tend to be seen as good usually forgive and forget. But I dont think that this is a question of being good or evil I think the point is about being just."

It’s not about being seen as good, or about ‘good’ and ‘evil’.
I found that throughout my life I ‘believed’ that one must be able to see the ‘good’ in another and thus forgive. With the time I realized that the ability and willingness to forgive has assisted me and allowed me to live a certain strength.
And, when I find myself unable to forgive, I know that I’m still holding-on to something, for example blame, anger or regret – something that is not allowing me to take absolute Self-Responsibility.
Thus in-fact Forgiveness is an act of Self-Responsibility.

I used to believe in ‘justice’, ‘fairness’, being ‘just’ – but I have found that being ‘just’ is almost impossible – because you cannot take responsibility for another. You can forgive yourself and take responsibility for yourself. What you Can do, is: Show another where and how they’ve dishonored themselves and accepted themselves as ‘less’ than who they really are. But in the end, each-one has to forgive oneself. Without forgiveness, no actual change is possible.

This is the point of ‘forgive and forget’ – ‘forget’ implies the point of ‘release’, the point of ‘not holding-on to anything anymore’, the point where I set myself free from past attachments and allow myself to stand as equal and one within myself – to move myself.

To ‘forget’ does not mean that you cannot recall the events and people you faced in your life. It only means that you, in a similar event, are free to act ‘new’, instead of ‘remembering’ your past reactions and thus following them as a program. No – rather direct yourself according to what you’ve realized. Which is the point of transformation, actual change.
In relation to the people of your past, to ‘forget’ only means that you do not define a person to attributes of the past according to your memory and experience of that person – which is an act of forgiveness because you are not limiting the person to ‘something’ or ‘someone’, you actually consider that change and transformation is possible – after all, you have changed yourself, why should another not be able to do the same? You wouldn’t like others to limit you to their own ‘memory’ of ‘you’.



"So maybe the tendency to forgive and forget those that have hurt us is not necessarily a good thing. Because if we dont do anything to people that hurt us they will probably continue on hurting others."

These are two different things. One can only ‘do something about it’ in the Moment that is Here: After making sure that ‘hurt’ is not a emotional reaction of ‘ego’ and that one is clear within oneself and has taken responsibility for one’s own experiences (after all, we create our realities according to ‘who we are’) – one can communicate to the person that has done an act that is unacceptable for Life and show them exactly what is going on. Show them they can be equal to you: responsible, forgiving, acknowledging.
If this is impossible, share your experience with those that might be threatened by that person, make it public, take responsibility. And let it go – because there’s nothing more you can do. If you don’t let go, you’re holding-on to fear, regret, uncertainty. Suggested to not allow that.

You make sure you do all that is in your power to reveal what is really going-on. Then let go, ‘forget’ – which is an act of forgiving yourself for believing you can save everyone for instance, or believing that you haven’t done enough. Let go. If there is something more you can do, you will be faced with the same or a similar situation where you can see the point you 'missed'.

Consider that ‘who we are’ in this reality is mostly what we were taught: Patters we copied from others – our environment, parents, peers, schools, movies. We defend those patters as ourselves, with a logic that makes us ‘right’, and we mostly fail to consider the consequences of ‘who we are’ and ‘how we exist and participate’. Someone who hurts others is most likely to have suffered by others. And because we don’t learn to be self-responsible and to see through the patterns of ‘cause and effect’ – often the only way to ‘redeem’ ourselves appears to be ‘revenge’, ‘hurt’, to ‘make things even’.

Which is why I don’t believe in ‘justice’ as a point of ‘balance’ of ‘good’ and ‘evil’. It all exists within all, there is no ‘good’ without ‘evil’ and visa versa. None of the two can ever ‘win’.

To stand Equal to all that exists and to Realize we are all products of our environment, allows us to take Self-Responsibility, See what we’ve missed to see, and Correct ourselves to live so, that Life is honored in all ways; Be a living example for others – for All to realize Life as Equality, in Self-Responsibility. Thus in-essence, there is no Forgiveness. There is only Self-Forgiveness – because it’s about Self-Realization.